TOUT SONNE MIEUX EN FRANÇAIS (Everything Sounds Better in French)

EVERYTHING SOUNDS BETTER IN FRENCH

In this country there's a patriotic crowd
Who want to make it "English only" allowed (you heard about it)
No Spanish, not even a mention
And getting rid of all the French and in the future
In case there's an occasion
Eliminating everything from the Asian languages
And while we're at it with such determination
Drop all those words from all the German nations
So much of English
Would be extinguished
And do you realize
How English would sound if domesticized

No more fondue, no more flambé
No Champagne or Perrier
No moo goo gai pan, chow mein or flan
No smorgasbord or filet mignon

But think of what this means to those of us
Traveling by plane, boat, train or bus
No more "bon voyage" is to be said
Only "good trip" is permitted instead
And goodbye is goodbye - that's all we'll allow
No more adios, au revoir or caio
No "Hasta la vista" will we say
Americans must speak the American way

No cappuccino, no cafe au lait
No crème caramel or crème brule
No more latkes, no more knish
No more lox or gefilte fish

No antipasto or entree
Americans must eat the American way 

And all of the films with foreign names
Will have to undergo a similar change
"Play it again Sam," Bogart will grouse
In "Casa Blanca" which you must call "White House"
And "La Cage Au Folle," "The Bird Cage" must be
Oh they already did that - pardon me
And forget about "Moulin Rouge" - that's dead
You'll have to say "The Red Windmill" instead

No Kung Fu and no Tai Chi
No sombrero, no Mariachi
No Sushi, sashimi, wasabi
No wigwam, tipi or kemosabe

No origami or feng shui
Americans must live the American way

Now what if all the maps they print and sell
Would have to be Anglicized as well
Think of all the changes throughout the South
Like Boca Raton would become Rat's Mouth
And all of the Cajuns would really feel sick
When Baton Rouge has become Red Stick - And in Texas-
Body of Christ we'll see, on the map, instead of Corpus Christi

No more burritos or enchiladas
No chile con carne or tostadas
No Ramadan, Chanukah or Kwanzaa
In fact, I retract that whole last stanza

All we'll have left is April Fools Day
If we celebrate the American way

Now all of this will hit us like a flood
Instead of Sangria we'd have to drink blood
The Nouveau Riche will be "the new wealth"
And instead of "Gesundheit" always shout "health"
All the Latin Bands will play music called "Sauce"
Your head Honcho would just be your "Boss"
And forget all of that French you were taught
Even if it has that certain... I don't know what

To every kind of pasta we'll say "buh bye"
In fact, every dish that ends with an "i"
Even Hannibal Lechter's meals will be scanty
Keep the fava beans, lose the Chianti

And Mardi Gras is just a fat Tuesday
When we celebrate the American way

But finally when two thirds of our nation
Are dying from mono-linguistic starvation
They will take the situation in hand
All the way to the highest court in the land

And with a split down four to five
Once again they'll shock everybody's lives
When the Supreme Court rules from the bench:
Everything sounds better in French

Ha ha!

I mean haw haw!
What a tour de force it will be
Here in zee land of zee free
Ooh la la